Breaking the cycle of abusive relationships with education and accountability.

Are We Having the Right Conversations About Unhealthy Relationships in the Age of Social Media?

In today’s world, social media has made it easier than ever to see what happens behind closed doors. Platforms like TikTok and Instagram have become places where people, especially young individuals, can share personal stories and expose abusive relationships. From videos showing heated arguments to survivors bravely recounting their experiences, we are witnessing more clear evidence of abuse than ever before. But with this flood of content, the question becomes: are we actually having the conversations we need to have about abusive relationships?

Young people, in particular, are being exposed to these raw stories of toxic and abusive relationships. With such exposure, they are left with questions: How did things get this bad? Could it happen to me or someone I know? What can I do to prevent this? It’s a critical moment for education, yet too often, the dialogue surrounding these posts is reactionary and divisive. Instead of focusing on meaningful discussions around accountability, prevention, and healing, social media erupts into arguments about who’s to blame and what should happen next. While social media has given survivors a platform to share their truth, it has also created an environment where the complexity of abuse is often oversimplified, turning serious issues into fleeting controversies.

We see the same pattern over and over: the abuse goes viral, petitions are signed, and calls for accountability surge. But at the end of the day, what is actually being done? Too often, we see perpetrators refusing to take responsibility or making shallow apology videos that fail to demonstrate real accountability. Institutions frequently turn a blind eye, allowing the abuser to continue with no meaningful consequence. So, how is this helping? How do we know if the abuser is truly taking responsibility? What does real accountability even look like in these scenarios?

Two recent cases highlight this disconnect. One involved NBA player R.J. Hampton, whose ex-partner took to TikTok to share her experiences about their toxic relationship, and another involved Sedona Prince, whose multiple ex-girlfriends have come forward with abuse allegations, leading to calls for her removal from TCU’s basketball team. While the internet is quick to react, are we truly addressing the root of the problem—why these behaviors happen and what we can do to prevent them?

In this article, we’ll explore how abuse often starts, why so many people feel empowered to act this way, and how societal complicity plays a role. We’ll also dig deeper into the backlash that happens online and why accountability training and restorative justice are needed more than ever in addressing these issues—and how young people can take part in creating change.

How Abuse Starts: The Subtle Beginnings and the Role of Complicity

Abusive relationships rarely begin with overt violence. More often, they start with subtle behaviors—small signs that might not immediately set off alarm bells. It could be something as seemingly harmless as a raised voice during a disagreement, a derogatory comment disguised as a joke, or dismissing a partner’s feelings as being “too sensitive.” Over time, these small behaviors escalate. Name-calling, belittling, or controlling actions slowly become normalized, eroding the boundaries of respect. Abuse often starts with this gradual wearing down of a partner’s self-worth, making it harder for them to recognize the point at which the relationship becomes toxic.

The complicity of others plays a crucial role in allowing these behaviors to grow unchecked. Friends, family, and even institutions sometimes dismiss early warning signs. They may say things like, “It’s just a rough patch” or “Everyone argues.” This dismissal validates the abuser’s actions, enabling them to continue without fear of consequence. In many cases, the people around the abuser play a part in this complicity by looking the other way or minimizing the severity of the behavior.

Complicity can also manifest in larger systems, such as sports teams, universities, or workplaces, which often protect their own instead of holding abusers accountable. In both the Sedona Prince and NBA player cases, their respective institutions—be it athletic programs or professional teams—have failed to act despite evidence of ongoing abuse. This not only perpetuates the cycle but sends a message that powerful individuals, especially athletes and celebrities, can avoid consequences, reinforcing a culture where abusive behavior is tolerated.

Abuse thrives in environments where it is ignored or excused. The longer these behaviors are left unchecked, the more ingrained they become, and the harder it becomes for the victim to leave. Abusers often rely on the support of those around them—whether it’s through active defense or passive silence—to maintain their control. This is why early intervention and accountability are crucial in breaking the cycle of abuse before it escalates further

Striking the Balance: Accountability Without Sympathy for Abusers

Before we dive deeper into this conversation, it’s crucial to establish a fine line: discussing the roots of abusive behavior is not the same as offering sympathy to abusers—it’s about serving survivors. Our goal is to stop what happened to one person from happening to another. This isn’t about excusing harmful actions, but rather understanding how to prevent them from continuing in other relationships.

Understanding the Roots of Abusive Behavior

Much of the abusive behavior we see today has been modeled for people, whether through media, family dynamics, or societal norms. These behaviors don’t occur in a vacuum, and undoing them requires a desire to change. Those who engage in abusive behaviors need to actively choose to do better. At the same time, society must provide a space where accountability and change are seen as possible. In our culture, we often categorize people as either “bad” or “good.” But reality is far messier than that.

Creating Space for Accountability and Growth

If we want to stop abusive behavior, we have to create opportunities for people to be held accountable in ways that also encourage them to change. This isn’t about coddling perpetrators or diminishing the trauma survivors have endured—it’s about breaking the cycle of abuse for good. Relationships don’t exist in isolation. Power imbalances, financial dependencies, and emotional ties often complicate these situations. Without addressing the root causes of abusive behavior, we leave survivors vulnerable to repeating the cycle.

Avoiding Victim-Blaming and Focusing on Accountability

When we talk about why someone acts poorly—whether it’s due to learned behavior, family dynamics, or societal conditioning—the conversation often veers dangerously toward victim-blaming. People start to question the survivor’s role: Did they provoke the abuse? Why didn’t they leave sooner? This harmful shift distracts from the real issue: no matter the reasons behind it, abuse is never the survivor’s fault.

Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Leaving an abusive relationship isn’t always easy—victims may be financially dependent, emotionally manipulated, or fearful for their safety. Abusers rely on these dynamics to maintain control. Recognizing the causes behind toxic behavior should deepen our understanding of how abusers exploit these dynamics to trap their partners. The focus must remain on holding abusers accountable while offering support and compassion to survivors.

Sedona Prince’s Response: Addressing the Allegations

In a recent video, Sedona Prince responded to the allegations made against her by claiming she was “holding herself accountable.” While Prince stated that she has never abused anyone, she also acknowledged that she had not been the best partner at times. For many viewers, this dual admission—denying abuse but recognizing personal shortcomings—sparked further discussion about what true accountability should look like in situations involving allegations of emotional and verbal abuse.

Deflection and Focus on Harassment

One of the main points of contention surrounding Prince’s response was her focus on the harassment her parents had received as a result of the public accusations. While no one condones threats or harassment, shifting attention to her family’s victimization appeared to some as a way to deflect from the original allegations. This shift in focus sparked concern about whether the discussion was veering away from the core issue: the accusations brought forward by multiple ex-girlfriends regarding her past behavior in relationships.

Denial and Generalized Apology

Prince also stated she had “never abused anybody,” while at the same time apologizing for not being “the best partner.” Critics of the video pointed out that her response seemed vague and didn’t fully address the specific allegations made by her ex-partners. This kind of generalized apology can raise questions about the nature of accountability in public responses, especially when concrete accusations have been made. For true accountability, many argue, a more direct acknowledgment of the harm caused—without contradictions or qualifications—is necessary.

A Call for Clearer Accountability

While Prince’s video mentioned her efforts toward personal growth—such as attending therapy and engaging in self-reflection—some felt that this focus on self-improvement did not sufficiently address the concerns raised by her ex-partners. Personal growth is important, but when it comes to serious allegations, there is a need for clear, specific accountability.

In cases like this, the conversation often centers on what real accountability should look like. It’s not just about self-reflection or vague apologies, but about owning the impact one’s actions have had on others and making amends directly with those harmed.

Lessons from High-Profile Cases: Addressing the Gaps in Accountability

In many instances, especially when allegations of abuse arise against public figures, the first response from the public is often to call for jail time. However, what many don’t realize is that the criminal justice system frequently falls short when it comes to holding perpetrators of domestic abuse accountable. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), fewer than 60% of domestic violence incidents are even reported to the police. Of those reported, many do not result in charges or convictions, leaving survivors without adequate legal recourse. This highlights the importance of institutions—whether they are schools, sports teams, or workplaces—stepping in to enforce meaningful accountability when the justice system does not.

In high-profile cases, it’s often observed that institutions may be slow to take action. Public outcry, petitions, and mounting evidence sometimes fail to prompt swift responses, which can send the message that abusive behavior will be tolerated if the individual holds enough value to the organization. This institutional complicity can perpetuate cycles of abuse.

In contrast, some organizations have taken more responsible and proactive measures. For instance, when the University of Virginia’s men’s basketball coach Tony Bennett learned of a domestic violence incident involving one of his players, he immediately suspended the player and publicly stated that the team would provide resources for education and restorative justice. This approach wasn’t about ending the player’s career but about ensuring responsibility was taken and that meaningful rehabilitation occurred. This type of response—swift action, a clear commitment to accountability, and a focus on preventing future harm—is a model that institutions should follow.

It is also important to recognize that not every individual accused of harmful behavior will be willing to change. Restorative justice and accountability programs can only be successful when individuals are willing to engage in them meaningfully. There are instances where some perpetrators may continue to deny their actions or manipulate the system to maintain control. In these cases, stricter measures, such as legal action or suspension from positions of influence, may be necessary to protect survivors and prevent further harm.

For those who are willing to change, restorative justice offers a valuable path to rebuilding trust and correcting harmful patterns of behavior. It allows individuals to face those they’ve harmed in structured environments that prioritize healing, and it requires them to take concrete steps toward understanding consent, power dynamics, and the long-term impact of their actions. However, when there is no willingness to engage with these processes, stronger enforcement from institutions becomes critical.

Ultimately, accountability is about more than just punishment—it’s about ensuring that perpetrators face the consequences of their actions while also offering them the tools to genuinely change. This approach helps to serve both survivors and society, offering a pathway toward breaking the cycle of abuse. But for this to succeed, there must be a genuine commitment from the individual in question. When that commitment is absent, stricter measures must be taken to ensure the safety and well-being of those impacted.

Breaking the Cycle: Preventing Future Abusive Relationships Through Education and Accountability

As we continue to expose abusive relationships on social media and push for accountability, we must also focus on the most critical piece of the puzzle: prevention. To truly stop abuse before it begins, the key lies in education—teaching young people about consent, healthy relationships, and the warning signs of abusive behavior. But prevention isn’t just about teaching survivors how to protect themselves; it’s about offering a path to accountability for those who recognize their own harmful behavior and want to change.

This is where programs like SafeBAE come in. By empowering teens to become peer educators, SafeBAE not only equips them with the tools to advocate for themselves and their peers but also helps them recognize and prevent abusive dynamics in their own relationships. SafeBAE’s peer-led approach meets young people where they are—whether it’s in schools, sports teams, or youth clubs—and educates them in a way that resonates with their experiences.

Education on consent and power dynamics is essential for building a foundation of respect, trust, and healthy communication. Teaching teens about the red flags of emotional manipulation, coercion, and control helps them recognize these behaviors early on, before they escalate. This also includes creating an understanding that abuse can start subtly, but with education, young people can learn to identify and disrupt harmful patterns before they take root.

Additionally, SafeBAE offers accountability training, a resource often overlooked in discussions about abusive behavior. While some youth may not realize their actions are harmful, accountability training helps them understand how their behavior impacts others and offers them a path to change. It’s crucial to provide these programs to ensure that those who want to improve have access to the tools and knowledge they need to grow. This type of education is vital not only for preventing future abuse but also for giving young people a chance to correct course when they identify their own harmful actions.

Prevention, accountability, and education are the long-term solutions to breaking the cycle of abuse. While social media exposes abusive relationships after the fact, we need to address the root causes—by teaching young people how to build healthy, respectful relationships from the start and providing them with opportunities for growth if they’ve caused harm. SafeBAE’s mission is to ensure that every young person has access to the education and support they need to build relationships based on respect, mutual understanding, and responsibility.

If you’re interested in bringing SafeBAE’s free, peer-led programming to your school, youth club, or community, reach out to us today. Together, we can help the next generation build relationships rooted in accountability and stop the cycle of abuse before it starts.